Contents of Book

Contents
Introduction.................................................................................................... 1 Click here to read Introduction to Book
1. The Late Night Call.......................................................................................... 5
	The Afternoon......................................................................................................................... The Long Wait......................................................................................................................... Prayer...................................................................................................................................... Early Morning.......................................................................................................................... Death Messages......................................................................................................................	11 14 15 18 20
2. The Diving Resumes......................................................................................... 23
	The Reality.............................................................................................................................. Funeral Arrangements............................................................................................................. Seeing Matt Again................................................................................................................... Late Monday: July 6................................................................................................................ Religious Beliefs...................................................................................................................... More Than Okay..................................................................................................................... Torment...................................................................................................................................	26 30 34 36 39 40 42
3. The Second Day............................................................................................... 47
	The Newspaper Report........................................................................................................... Visitation.................................................................................................................................. Memory Table......................................................................................................................... The Message........................................................................................................................... Family and Friends.................................................................................................................. Afternoon Visitation................................................................................................................. The Second Day Ends..............................................................................................................	47 51 53 54 56 57 60
4. The Funeral.................................................................................................... 63
	The Chapel.............................................................................................................................. The Service............................................................................................................................. The Procession........................................................................................................................ Wednesday Afternoon............................................................................................................ Matt’s Clothes.........................................................................................................................	64 68 72 74 77
5. The Dark Days................................................................................................ 81
	Matt’s Eulogy.......................................................................................................................... Visiting the Grave................................................................................................................... Returning to Work................................................................................................................... Being in Public......................................................................................................................... Camping Equipment................................................................................................................	83 86 90 94 98
6. Emotions of Grief............................................................................................ 103
	Anxiety.................................................................................................................................... Anger....................................................................................................................................... Anger with God....................................................................................................................... Aikido...................................................................................................................................... Legal Remedies....................................................................................................................... Family Support........................................................................................................................ Fate.......................................................................................................................................... Protesting................................................................................................................................	103 105 108 111 113 116 120 127
7. Guilt and Despair............................................................................................ 129
	Self Punishment...................................................................................................................... Being Blind............................................................................................................................... Despair.................................................................................................................................... Sympathy................................................................................................................................ School Trauma........................................................................................................................	129 138 141 146 151
8. Coping with Grief.......................................................................................... 155
	School Bus…and Movie............................................................................................................ What Is Important Now........................................................................................................... Friends and Thoughts.............................................................................................................. The Antidepressant................................................................................................................. Return to the Lake................................................................................................................... Visions and Dreams................................................................................................................. The Dark Days End..................................................................................................................	157 160 163 167 168 176 178
9. The Beginning of Recovery................................................................................189
	Prolonged Grief........................................................................................................................ Goals of Recovery................................................................................................................... What Helped in the Beginning................................................................................................. Enjoying the Change............................................................................................................... What Did Not Help................................................................................................................... Being Up...................................................................................................................................	192 196 197 201 206 208
10. The Search for Meaning.................................................................................. 211
	God’s Plan................................................................................................................................ God Let It Happen.................................................................................................................... God Is Limited.......................................................................................................................... No God..................................................................................................................................... Raising the Dead..................................................................................................................... Body or Spirit........................................................................................................................... Doubts About Afterlife............................................................................................................ Believing in Afterlife............................................................................................................... Empirical Immortality.............................................................................................................. Visions of Afterlife.................................................................................................................. Communications from Afterlife.............................................................................................. The Search Never Ends...........................................................................................................	213 215 217 218 219 224 226 228 231 233 234 236
11. The Holidays................................................................................................. 239
	Thanksgiving.......................................................................................................................... Christmas and the Light.......................................................................................................... Matt’s Birthday........................................................................................................................ More Dreams........................................................................................................................... Valentine’s Day.......................................................................................................................	242 250 265 270 273
12. Living with Grief........................................................................................... 281
	The Quantum World................................................................................................................ The Present Moment............................................................................................................... The Greatest Mystery............................................................................................................ It Shouldn’t Have Happened................................................................................................... Beliefs and Assumptions......................................................................................................... March—The 8th Month........................................................................................................... Easter....................................................................................................................................... Crying and Dying....................................................................................................................	286 288 291 294 299 303 316 319
13. Grieving Never Ends....................................................................................... 325
	May Arrives............................................................................................................................ Death by Drowning................................................................................................................. Mother’s Day........................................................................................................................... High School Graduation........................................................................................................... A Thoughtful Gift.................................................................................................................... Memorial Day.......................................................................................................................... Being Spiritual.........................................................................................................................	327 334 339 342 351 354 359
14. The Twelfth Month....................................................................................... 363
	Reliving the Beginning............................................................................................................ Father’s Day............................................................................................................................ The Lake and Linda................................................................................................................. Independence Day.................................................................................................................. The Death Date.......................................................................................................................	366 369 377 382 388
15. Final Thoughts............................................................................................. 397
	The Future............................................................................................................................... The Worst Part Now................................................................................................................ Dreams are Real...................................................................................................................... Stranger at the Grave............................................................................................................. Medical Crises…and Impasse................................................................................................. Beauty.....................................................................................................................................	400 401 402 404 405 407
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